Truth be told, you weren't that bad. But the problem is that you weren't THAT good either. Attraction is such a funny and particular thing. As a scientist, I try to pick apart all of my good and bad dates and understand exactly what it is that I am attracted to. I feel like I am extra picky about men. I would say that the biggest hurdle is getting past my delicate feminine sensibilities, by which I mean the minefield of vaguely to overtly sexist things you may do to piss me off. I remember telling a friend of mine how much it bothered me that my boyfriend's (at the time) friend always referred to his wife as "My wife." My wife this. My wife that. Have you seen my wife? Tell my wife that. My wife said this. I said to my friend "She has a name, damn it, that is not tied to him or being his." That friend, gay, nutty-crunchy Episcopalian clergy member that he is, turned to me and was like "I thought I was a liberal and a feminist, but you take it to a whole new level."
Anyway, there are very few men that tiptoe through the minefield without causing any explosions. Manners are key. I like confidence and even a little cockiness, but with a foundation of politeness. I at once like to be put in my place but without ever feeling belittled. I want someone who can take control but also knows how to give it back. I crave intelligence but of a deeper sort than high SAT's or a well-paying job. I do not rule out extroverts, but I am very sensitive to them and do better with introverts. And all of this needs to be completely devoid of machismo. I am really allergic to machismo. I recoil from it in total disgust.
Mr. Nicebody (mentioned last week) walks a fine line with me. He is a boy's boy: fishin', huntin', surfin', meat-only eatin', uncultured, underexposed (ignorant? *wince*), not an intellectual, and a man of few words. He was that bad kid in high school that has now become a functioning, but not high-functioning, adult. If I got a message from him on OK Cupid, there isn't a doubt in my mind that I would not respond to it. BUT he has excellent manners, is very respectful, and knows what a woman wants. He may not read the New Yorker or want to talk politics with me. He may not have gone to college and taken Women's Studies courses. But he is not above cooking me dinner and cleaning it up. Or spending an evening focusing on me. And so, despite all of our other differences, I am attracted to him.
Which brings me back to you, Mr. Meh (and Mr. Former The One, for that matter). You went to Cal and probably did take a class or two in Women's studies, but your grasp of women is still so tenuous, making it even more irritating. Not one but two story lines out of your mouth over the course of the evening involved male friends of yours who were being "isolated" or "tied-down" by their wives and babies. Now, while it is possible that their wives are bitches, what I took away from that is that you think their wives have their nuts in a jewelry box. But maybe it's because they are happily coupled off, have an agreement about equal child care, and/or value their time together off of work more than time with your single-ass. Just a thought.
And to change the subject entirely: organic food. You make what I assume is a ton of money (homeowner in the Berkeley Hills). You are talking to an ecologist. You mention that you only by organic "soft-skinned" fruits and vegetables because they are the most susceptible to pesticides and the rest are too expensive. A) That logic doesn't fly and B) Your health isn't the only reason to buy organic food. Just ask a woman who works in natural systems affected by agricultural contaminants. That woman was sitting right across from you. Good thing she took the time to set you straight.
And so, though you are interesting insofar as you have the cash flow to do interesting things, you are not that intellectually interesting at your core. You're just a smidge too smug, a scoche too selfish, and ever so slightly smelling of machismo. Goodbye.
xoxo,
T-Rex
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