I am going through a phase in which in which any new relationship I start creates a love(hate?) triangle: you, me, and my dissertation. As you might imagine, love triangles are very stressful, so there are only two types of man you could be to make me entertain the idea of dating you:
1) The Trophy: Physically super hot, low commitment needs, 100% fun.
2) The One: So perfectly aligned to me mentally and physically that despite my concerted effort to make my dissertation my primary partner, I just have to make an exception.
The thing is, well, you are neither. I am not saying that I am super hot, but I am above average attractive and I know I have done better (pun intended). You put a lot of gel in your hair, don't appear to spend that much time taking care of your body, and have ill-fitting jeans. Plus I have this other thing going right now that serves that need in my life, so that position doesn't really need to be filled.
All of that, however, could probably be overcome if I thought you had potential to be The One, but here is why you are not. You are 34 years old and an "aspiring screenwriter" living in a drab commuter offshoot of San Francisco and working a job you are 100% dispassionate about. I am of the opinion that if you are 34 years old, "aspiring" should not be part of your job title, especially if you completely dislike your current occupation which also, subsequently, pays you very little. Did I mention that the screenplay you have been writing for 6 years, the one that has something to do with coming-of-age/road trip/heist/family/romance sounds like something I would never sit through in a theatre?
Most importantly, though, was that moment over dinner last night when you got that lovesick look on your face when I had apparently jumped through all of your hurdles gracefully. You made me talk about my past online dating experiences, picked up names of male friends I mentioned more than once and asked me how long I had known them, had me give you a 5-year review of my relationships, and then asked me to expound on the importance of communication in relationships. You told me that communication is paramount, you hate flakiness, and you want absolute trust, particularly in knowing that someone will never cheat on you. You also commented that my choice of Canon cameras and Toyotas shows good judgment. Would you like to discuss where our children will go to preschool next?
Congratulations to me for passing your interview, but this is a job I have come to realize that I don't want. You are a bit older, went to Stanford, drive a Prius, and are into photography, but that is not enough. Yes, communication is important, but just because you are an older man (6 years) does not mean that you get to treat me like an underling applying for a promotion and wrest my personal history from me in three short hours. It isn't yours to take. Also, while I do believe that trust and honesty are important, and certainly hope to never experience cheating, I think that the more important dimension to a relationship is that you work so hard to be a good partner to me and we are so in tune with each others' needs that there is very little left up to trust and faith when it come to fidelity. It is earned, not a given.
Good luck with your future endeavors,
T-Rex
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