26 Is My Unlucky Number

Dear Mr. I Won't Commit for Four Years But When Do You Want to Have my Babies?,

26. I should have known better. Why bother? A very minuscule percent of under-30 men are capable of having adult relationships. But...you spelled everything right in your e-mails and these days that is almost enough to charm the pants off me. Sad.

We talked fluidly for about 2 hours. You are outgoing and sociable, so it was easy to find common ground. We are also both really interested in undergraduate education and politics, leading into some good philosophical discussions. You are very much a boy's boy: athletic, neatly cut hair, love football, dress yourself okay but in that sort of stereotypical frat boy attire, have that sort of jock/class president charisma. You make a few clever compliments. All is going well. I am neither repulsed nor drawn to you. I decide that maybe we could hang out and maybe you would be okay in bed.

And then this:

"So...this may be a little fast but I do have some dealbreakers. I don't see myself getting married for 3-4 years. How do you feel about marriage? When do you want to have kids?"

*screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech*

Motherfucker, do you think you're so awesome that I might want to sign on the dotted line today and you feel the need to read me all of the fine print? In one breath you tell me that you don't want to get married for 3-4 years, I assume until you are 30, for no particularly good reason except that you don't feel like committing, and then in the next breath you ask me to give you an idea of how open I am to committing. You want a woman with the commitment mentality without having it yourself. I know that you meant it this way because when I told you that I don't know if I want to have kids, I am no hurry to get married, I plan on making no sacrifices for men in the next 6 months, and that I am very career-focused right now, suddenly our 2 hours of easy talking was over. You, the admitted serial dater, were hoping for a little more....of a "womanly" response. I shut you right down. Didn't see that coming, did you?

Let's talk about dealbreakers too. You don't know me. Yes, there are certain heinous things that are always going to be dealbreakers, but until you get a real feel for the depth of a connection with someone, how are you going to know what your willing to compromise on? Neither of us are ready to make any deals. We just met. Take a deep breath here.

No. More. Younger. Men.

T-Rex