The Professor

Dear Mr. Smartypants,

Okay, you've got me. Truth be told, you could walk through this door right now and I would take you right in. Even though the reasonable part of me would beg me to turn you away and be part of the solution, not the problem, of wanton early-thirties men, I wouldn't listen. You're incredibly sharp, bold, romantically aggressive, creative, and charming. You see right through me. You have dark glasses that I can't resist. You have a newly minted faculty position, following on the heels of a fancy postdoctoral scholarship. You excel in your field. I bet you'll grow up to be famous (as far as ecologists go). I like all of this in a man.

So do I deserve to be writing you a letter?

Yes. Because even though I find you really attractive, and you still hold sway over me, I see right through you and I know you would make me unhappy in the long term. You devote 100% of your ambition to your career and treat your personal life more like large life purchases. You want to go to the dealer and pick out a woman who will trail along behind you. You don't have the time or mental energy to deal with maintenance, and prefer to drive relationships into the ground as you cruise through new career goals before finally taking them into the mental mechanic. And by then it is probably too late to salvage them. To your credit, to have your career, there isn't really another option. But it's selfish and I'm not one to be toted around so easily. You're not one to sacrifice. I need more balance.

So, I'm not saying we will never meet romantically again. But I have my head on straight about it. And based on our last interaction I know this disappoints you and you would prefer for me to be totally infatuated. I actually think you can't stay entirely away because I see through you and you see through me and you rarely have relationships so honest.

But, again, I see this for what it is and I not devote one iota of my energy to wanting more. It's gone from parasitism to a mutualism, in terms familiar to you.

Love,

T-Rex